Huge offerings are moving through me during this Equinox-Eclipse-Easter portal.
A year ago I started writing what spirit had been telling me and from that all these beautiful people started following me and asking for services 1 on 1 coaching sessions and workshops.
Back in September to help expand the vision to be able to create support, I started a conscious entrepreneur coaching course on how to create my own content with a very talented conscious business coach. I made beautiful headway with that and created an entire six month package out of that time but didn’t end up finishing the course, I dropped out about half way through from feeling emotionally overwhelmed by the movement.
Every so often I’ve been visualising standing on a stage or in ceremonial circle, sharing my heart with all of you. I know that I am here to help break through the illusion of hierarchy, to help other people find their inner guidance system and gifts to offer the planet. I see myself on stage in front of people and just recently the call to this visualisation was answered. I was having a Skype session with Teal Swan and she offered me the opportunity to co-create and co-facilitate a workshop at a Mind-Body-Spirit Festival in London this May.
I know that if I would take this opportunity it would be the catalyst (ironically her name is “The Spiritual Catalyst”) to sharing my passion and facilitating people’s inner expansion! The dilemma is one that I think stems from a belief deep inside of me, a fusion of two specific beliefs actually. I will tell you the hurdles in the way of reaching this dream and then the wounds in a hope that there will be something enriching in sharing my soul incarnation’s journey with you.
So one issue is that I have a seven year old little man with Down Syndrome and he means the world to me, his name is Kane. Before I conceived Kane my dream was to become a fairy and spread joy, laughter and love into the hearts of the people through travelling along with the renaissance festivals. After I became pregnant with Kane I stopped any dreams that had any involvement of travel because I believed that Kane’s development would suffer. I also hadn’t been travelling from co-dependency issues, my partner does not want to travel and I have this belief that you should always have a travel buddy being a young woman in a world that can be very rough (a belief I held onto because of my best friend’s mother said I would never be victimised if I stayed in a group).
Recently over the New Year, I was invited to go to a local festival in Christchurch, NZ called Convergence but a pioneer and warrior Goddess friend of mine (she would never call herself that but she is wink emoticon ) Her husband is a biologist who studies whales for one fourth of the year and he was away on his annual study and work. She has a three year old and asked me if I wanted to go with Kane and the two of them and this was my first brave invitation into a semi-liberation since I have not left the comfort of my home minus one other festival with my partner in two years!
When I went to that festival, that was an initiation in itself. That is enough material for a completely different article! But what I realised is that Kane when he has loving devoted and hands on mentors in conjunction with my loving support jumps light years in development! This was a huge relief, surprise and a blast through my false belief that he would suffer if I would travel. Suddenly my horizons had opened!
Now here is where these two stories merge together, I could bring Kane to London but then I would need someone (that I know and trust) to watch after my dear boy and if I were to bring him along I would also need to pay his ticket! I would ask my partner but his mother is very sick in the process of her second round of Chemotherapy at this time after months of trying alternative therapies and he is not open to watching my son while I am away. So possibly I would need to fly home first but all together in expenses that would be something around $5,000US. Not to mention, I will be flying by myself from NY to London which to be honest is not as scary as the thirty hour flight it would be from New Zealand to London but at least that would be less money $3000US all together there and back!
I want to and am planning to do a workshop/ceremony sharing tour this coming June to August and I was thinking I could fly to London first then off to New York and tour through America that way. I also have the offering to go through Bali before heading to America. Like I said so much moving through, the one thing I do know is I will be visiting America with stops to be announced.
Recently, I woke in the middle of the night with a book name as well, so that is on the horizon. This possibly could end up being a book tour, I even have leads on meeting with someone who knows an agent! That is the majority of my life, it comes to forth as I have faith not the way most do things in life the form comes before the faith. Yet every time I have sat down to start writing I there is this feeling of a weight hanging over me. Until today when I realised what belief has been getting in the way of me sitting down and creating my legend…
The truth is I have been clearing deep soul wounds during this time. The pendulum swings and as high as it swings going up the deeper the retrieval of self, the more work that is revealed to be healed and integrated. Souls like mine we appear like everything is easy but it is the soul strides, it is the knowing the darkness and the pain has a contribution to your path. That whatever is healed from going into the wound can then be gifted with gratitude back to the collective to help heal.
I must admit that because of my remembrance of where I come from (Some religions call it heaven but it is a place where we are all integrated, united; where there is infinite peace and love) I am not phased by the darkness and duality of this reality. I also know that because I come from this place of infinite expansion that I am essentially the energy and spirit that moves through me and the way that I can repel the darkness is through staying in the upper realms of thoughts and emotions no matter what disaster is crumbling around me (not always but the majority of the time wink emoticon ) I move through the darkness deeply but swiftly like a rapid moving thunderstorm in the summertime.
The soul retrieval today was so deep it moved me to a deep cathartic release of tears. My pelvic region and area where my colon/ovaries are located has been aching on and off for about a year now. I have been thinking it would just go away with some supplementation but after witnessing the presentation of my partner’s stage 3C Ovarian Cancer, I have seen how important it is to listen to the pain and it’s message it holds within. My mother and grandmothers have history of ovarian cysts a sign according to a book Carolyn Myss wrote called, “Anatomy of the Spirit” is an attachment to financial or emotional co-dependence. Carolyn is a medical intuitive with the ability to read people’s emotional and auric field, she has a almost one hundred percent accuracy of diagnosing people with ailments just from their emotional presentations. I had been avoiding reading the Sacral Chakra (located in the abdomen, the ovaries) for months now but the dull pain was back this morning in my kitchen so I turned my head to the sky and asked my angels,” I am ready to see the cause of my pain. Please reveal it to me.”
Sure enough an hour later I picked up this book where I left off and there it was the thread through my ancestry, the thread through every woman I have ever known personally. I have seen this pattern with my partner’s mom, my mother, my grandmother, my ex-partner’s mother!
The book talked about codependence, the fear of not being able to create your own abundance, your own financial sovereignty. This fear of living the life and pursuing what you actually want to do for a living and it not supporting you and your children, so out of fear you it trade for the comfort of a roof over your head and food on the table.
The Sacral center is the creation center ironically you would think this would mean that integration with another would be the most important component but it is actually the idea that two whole people make one whole relationship. In this reality what the soul story is, is usually opposites attract so that the missing piece can be integrated. So what I see often is really creative, open and easy going people with no business sense or drive paring with people who are completely able to tackle the design and details of how to create financial security. One person is trying to integrate the ability to be financially capable of survival outside of the creation process and the other is trying to integrate more of an organic process of trust and emotional vulnerability.
The dilemma area is for the person who is open to hold energetic integrity and integrate the personal empowerment to start the journey of self expansion and financial integrity before they become controlled by the person who is using control to manifest a business and financial security. It is a gentle yet strong personal integrity and space, staying soft allows enough of a reflection for the counterpart to witness their opposite and become curious, if they even become open to begin with. Ultimately, I think the best course of preservation when the opposites are so extreme is to honor yourself by walking away and towards your own empowerment, whichever the person involved.
That is where I am now, I know I don’t have to energetically separate myself from my partner but I do need to know that I am gifted enough, able enough to become financial sovereign becuase I have a huge mission to share. I have his one body, this one life as this soul, to be able to step into the world on my own to spread the light and have faith that the divine will hold me in it’s arms. I have dedicated my body, my spirit, my life to this work, to the benefit and growth of the collective. That means committing to myself entirely with unconditional love and a courageous heart to constantly look within to see what needs to be healed in complete transparency.
I AM OPEN, I AM READY.