In case some of you didn’t see: Rune asked me to marry him on the Full Moon in Libra, the sign of soul partnerships!
I said yes, of course! But I wasn’t always so easily won, I have been engaged before.
Except with that engagement all of my body response was this underlying screeching halt, a nervous whisper under the surface saying,”no” but yet all I could do to not disappoint was say yes and hope for the best. I hadn’t explored my own being entirely let alone been able to see if I fully alchemised with another person. I was engaged for three years before finally breaking things off mutually.
What a relief when he looked at me saying, “Where is the Jocelyn I used to know?” I looked back with empathy in my eyes and utter the words, “That girl is gone.”
I have never been one of those girls who ever dreamed of the day I would get married, setting up barbie house sceneries of the marriage and white picket fence, in fact I was the opposite. I was dreaming of being an anthropologist, studying foreign cultures and connecting to ancient mysteries, my barbie was a world traveller, philanthropist and internationally known humanitarian.
Marriages these days from what I have seen are built on a foundation based on romantic projections and un-communicated expectations. Love is a recipe of a white wedding dresses, vows that last an average of five years or less, all sealed with a diamond ring and an overly expensive event.
I saw the day I got married as the day I would loose my sovereignty, the day I would say goodbye to my personal choice and inner freedom.
Coming from a family history of three generations of divorce, I never thought I would be ever getting married because of the association it holds for me. Generations of women losing their inner power and identity drowning in the identity of an over consuming masculine presence barely making it our alive. But this is a natural outcome when the inner masculine and feminine are out of balance in each person, therefore it must be balanced in the external environment.
Being an empath, I used to feel what others needed emotionally to heal, I used to change myself for others with the idea that my chameleon emotional state would become a vibrational key to unlock their desire to join their soul with mine deeply but there was always a giant contradiction, by not showing the “real me” I would always be squirming under the surface of my well crafted facade until the hypothetical duct tape of my own suppression would rip from my mouth to expel the truth of my entire being! Then I would have to start from scratch over again.
Not only would I change myself but I would be able to see the highest expression of the others person’s soul, even if they had not done the karmic clearing to embody that state yet. The result was always me going into a sort of “benefit of the doubt state” and subconsciously, unknowingly performing a subtle form of psychic surgery on them, calling forward their highest state even if they were not ready or willing to do the clearing work in this physical realm.
That was the biggest error or mistake on my behalf, we live in a consent based energetic realm. Meaning before you energetically receive a clearing or healing it must first be agreed to by your soul. No matter how much I wanted the person to heal and synchronise with me in my soul evolution they still had their free will to go at their own pace.
I feel my entire life I have been searching for this deep kind of soul synchronicity. In my opinion, we come here from the spirit realm where all things are connected as one. We are birthed into duality and as we grow into adults we crave to combine with another soul to experience unity consciousness while being in two separate physical forms.
I was constantly searching for this deep imprinting and merging of souls with another from the time I was twelve years old on. I had this unwavering focus that felt like an avalanche of alchemical love magic, waiting to combine with another. I knew exactly what it would feel like to merge with someone else, to have no limitation in the flow from source spilling from my heart washing over me and the other but what was missing was always the understanding of this flow from the other person on the receiving end.
Most of the time I would compromise, I would find a partial match to my own vibrational field and because I wanted to be loved or I was so excited to unleash this love wave, I would engage this energy prematurely knowing something was missing. Because the energy wasn’t an exact match there was always a resistance to being in a similar state, a subtle disharmony getting in the way of ascension of hearts together as one.
This would manifest as always having to “talk things through” in a heavy way, not being seen by the other person and intense feelings of loneliness even when in relationship with the other person.
Just recently I had a breakthrough, I knew I would need to wholeheartedly give myself to the merging with another person to create this alchemy and in order for me to do that I would need to be able to know and trust every part of that other human being. That I would need to feel like the other person was a mirrored reflection to me on an energetic level.
My current relationship was different right away, upon first meeting Rune I could see for the first time a being that dedicated just as much time to keeping his energetic field clear as I do. I was released from needing to help carry the map for him of clearing his karmic burdens because he was sovereign and gladly took responsibility everyday to look within to heal and accelerate his own power points.
Something magical has happened in this union because all my energy isn’t going toward helping my partner heal or ascend, we both get to focus on going deeper into unity and just ease into natural synchronisation. We lift each other up.
This is the first relationship where I have shown my most authentic state. Where every aspect of my being whether I perceive it to be good or bad is transparent; accepted, loved and therefore transformed into it’s highest state.
It is the first relationship where I have the intention to keep the ethers as clear as possible, to communicate every subtle wound, expectation or discordance emotionally that floats to the surface from my subconscious in any given situation.
Marriage is sacred for me, it marks the union of two souls creating a unified field. It is not conceptual or based purely on the spiritual principles of romantic love but also must be grounded in the physical. There are deep initiations to go through, deep sharing of the heart and mind to be combined as one. More importantly to know that practically this other person meets you and the two of you are able to work as a cohesive team on a unified mission.
In past relationships, I found that I could love anyone and I wanted to be in love, so this warped my perception to only look for the good and sweep the rest under the rug. But to find true love it takes being truly honest with yourself to find your true match, if you feel in your gut something isn’t a perfect fit, it is not only essential to being honest with yourself but then talking about it with the other person involved. This will create either a deeper merging from an illusion of perception being cleared or a revelation that will release you from an unlikely match. You have to be discerning, honest and true to yourself first and then you will receive that reflection outside yourself.
True love is so much more than a mutual feeling, that feeling can be fleeting and can diminish easily, so the ground that it is built on has to be solid. I believe the foundation of unified belief systems, clear communication, open hearted transparency, synchronized values systems and united purpose paths create the recipe for lasting deep harmony.
I feel I have finally met my soul match on every level and am excited to see this story unfurl…
If you would to explore more of balancing your inner masculine and feminine energies and want to work with me one on one fill out my application for Transformational Coaching