A little birdie told me that the man I was with for almost four years before the love I am with now is engaged and pregnant with their first child. I am here to confess. Waiting in silence expecting me to be surprised, to be shattered; instead I broke into a sincere smile. The person on the other side of the screen stared perplexed.
See we were in one of these relationships where it was comfortable, when I was the previous form of myself. Where we were genuinely happy, a normal functioning couple. When I started transforming cell by cell, soon the woman that he had fallen in love with had shed away like the top layer of skin in a good exfoliation. I stood in front of his sweet heart reaching for the me and she wasn’t there anymore. And I said the words standing on the foundation of my new-old center, “That girl is gone.” We both knew after that day.
He is finally with the girl that he always wanted and I am so bubbly happy for them. Ironically, this is the sweetheart good-looking girl, four years previous I was jealous of! When he and I first got together, he loved talking and studying with her. But I think what we had was intentional. I was a part of an opening and softening for him and he was a part of an opening and softening for me. This process led me to love in so many deepening ways that, to me; are just as meaningful as being with someone forever because he changed me forever without even knowing it. He offered me a place to find myself and I believe in my mind’s-eye, I opened him to experiences he wouldn’t have normally been a part of. I will always love him, not in the kind of way that they portray, you know the Romeo and Juliet kind; that kind where if you can’t have someone, both people are going to die whether physically or emotionally. But more of an ascended love for what we built together, what he showed me in the space. An infinite gratitude and admiration.
See, I feel that I have this other-worldly perspective of love. First of all, I love everyone. That’s right even the man (not this one I am speaking of) that shattered my heart into a thousand pieces. Even people who have really crossed me! Because only hurt people hate, only people in a cage feel rage! I AM FREE, TO BE ME! Love permeates through me and I live to feel that joy and bliss that courses through me like the everyday magic we feel as a child. Nothing stops the ability to love like jealousy, anger or possession. In fact, those are actually love repellent. If love does not flow naturally than flow where love comes natural. I released having to own someone to define love and started loving myself within that space and now I am in a space where I don’t need someone to need me or I don’t need to need someone to feel love or to feel perfectly comfortably loved. Call it bizarre but I would rather be a part of this love freak show any day!
Love from this space is so deep. It is love without expectations. It is love without limitation. It is what I hope each person can find within themselves because when we love ourselves in a centered way, we then permeate that love to all that surrounds us and become more open to receiving it from the other versions of ourselves.
AH! MY LOVES! WE ARE ONE!